I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
