the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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