I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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