im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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