Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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