I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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