in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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