I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
