East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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