I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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