I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
