i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
