i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I will pee on everything he values.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
