she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
