He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
