His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There r osticjed everywhere
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
