When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
