New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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