i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
