She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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