If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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