looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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