Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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