I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
