I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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