I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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