38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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