i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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