Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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