sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened