i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My penis needs a shock collar
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.