I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂