I just pynch a tree in the face
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows