I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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