oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?