We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.