take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop