I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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