nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
sex in a hospital.. check
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
