DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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