Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love you.
Bad choice
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
