see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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