I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
