you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize