why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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