Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
