i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
