Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
