I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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