I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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