Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
