What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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