Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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