My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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