Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
