Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
