I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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