i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
