All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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