We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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