You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
