Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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