woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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