You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
