Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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