The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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