i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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