I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
honey bunches of taint.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
