Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
