Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
