I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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