this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
