i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
