Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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