I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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