your parents love me but you hate me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
