I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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